I am sitting here in my boyfriend’s apartment one fine morning, enjoying tasty white chocolate and a glass of water. I want to write so bad but I didn’t bring my journal.
… listening to one of my forever favorite song from Craig David, unbelievable.
I can’t believe I will write this.
“… Somewhere I’ve never thought I’d be.”
That sentence is the best sentence to express what I feel now. I was ready to live with myself, ready to devote myself to teach kids and have fun with them everyday. I was ready to leave my hopes behind me, looking for something meaningful for my little lost heart. I was ready to just being happy with me.
But, now everything has meaning. I am afraid to be here to be honest. I am in a place where I’ve never thought I would be.
Yes, I had crush on some men before.
Yes, I felt like I found someone who would be nice to me before.
Yes, I fell so hard before.
Yes, I heard lies before.
Yes, I had to face bitterness before.
Yes, I cried because someone hurt me before.
Yes, I had to run before.
Yes, I lost my heart.
Yes, I was terrified to meet someone new before.
Yes, I cried.
Yes, met someone who is different this time.
Yes, I don’t believe in myself, still.
Yes, I am nervous about the future.
Yes, I am afraid now.
Yes, I do care about this one.
Yes, I want to spend my life with him.
Yes, I am willing to take the risk.
Yes, I feel something so beautiful in my heart.
….
Something so beautiful
Something so beautiful
“..Somewhere I’ve never thought I would be.”