Warna Langit

Juni Safitri

hmm. . .

– a nine year old kid with autism –

Let’s say he is different from most kids his age. He was diagnosed with autism. He had an aid accompany him to class. Now, he is able to go to school by himself. He does not have any close friends. But, there are few people who will be nice to him. It is very hard for him to voice things, especially under pressure. He may not know how to communicate with others by speaking. He may have autism, and does not understand what is going on around him. He likes smiling, he likes dancing, he likes moving his hands, he likes singing, and he likes running around. The world seems so beautiful and peaceful to him.

I can not imagine going to school and not have anyone to talk or help me out when I need it. He does not have any peers he can rely on at school. I was thinking about what life may be like for someone who is autistic. Is it peaceful? is it beautiful? is it awesome? or is it sad? is it lonely? or even is it hurtful?

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-a little thing called love-

Lhuay and I have known each other since we were nine and eleven years old. At eighteen and twenty, we began dating. Neither of us had dated anyone before that time.

What attracted me to him was his sense of humor. friendliness, affection, and dependability. His generosity and thoughtfulness to others were important, as were his caring and concern. He was fun to be around and I felt special and loved. We shared the same taste in music and enjoyed being together every chance we could get.

I didn’t know where we would be. Like many young couples, we didn’t know how to express ourselves. I didn’t know how to verbalize what I felt. He was the talker, and I was the thinker. I listened because I loved him. I had secretly felt there was nothing I could do to make him happy.

When you love someone, you naturally treat them in the ways you would want to be treated. This loving tendency becomes counterproductive when what we would want is the opposite of what our partners would want. In loving relationships, quite automatically we give our partners what we would want but not necessarily what they want and need. I thought he would be everything to me.

but something unexplainable, unbelievable, and inevitable happened to us.

He had to move to other city to pursue his career. He even bought a brand new motorbike that he had always wanted. I think in many relationships people just go along with the flow. I was sad about not being together anymore. It was very difficult to face the idea of not being together since we really did love each other, well he said many times that he loved me. But not me..

I was in love.

But I never said a word that I loved him.

Having the feeling but couldn’t verbalize it, was and still is my big problem. But he could understand me well, knowing he cares inspires such comfort in me. We were still seeing each other. Romance was still important to us, he was very romantic by nature. He called just to say hi, even when things have got pretty busy. Little things: reminders to me of how much he cares. It’s so wonderful to show me at such a young age these ways of interactions.

But on October 4, 2010, I received a phone call from anonymous woman. She said that my boyfriend had an accident. When I took my first step in the hospital, I was going to tell him how much I loved him, but I was too late. He has gone.

I wish I had a chance to tell him what I felt.

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