Warna Langit

Juni Safitri

Something so beautiful

on June 28, 2016

I am sitting here in my boyfriend’s apartment one fine morning, enjoying tasty white chocolate and a glass of water. I want to write so bad but I didn’t bring my journal.

… listening to one of my forever favorite song from Craig David, unbelievable.

I can’t believe I will write this.

“… Somewhere I’ve never thought I’d be.”

That sentence is the best sentence to express what I feel now. I was ready to live with myself, ready to devote myself to teach kids and have fun with them everyday. I was ready to leave my hopes behind me, looking for something meaningful for my little lost heart. I was ready to just being happy with me.

But, now everything has meaning. I am afraid to be here to be honest. I am in a place where I’ve never thought I would be.

Yes, I had crush on some men before.

Yes, I felt like I found someone who would be nice to me before.

Yes, I fell so hard before.

Yes, I heard lies before.

Yes, I had to face bitterness before.

Yes, I cried because someone hurt me before.

Yes, I had to run before.

Yes, I lost my heart.

Yes, I was terrified to meet someone new before.

Yes, I cried.

Yes, met someone who is different this time.

Yes, I don’t believe in myself, still.

Yes, I am nervous about the future.

Yes, I am afraid now.

Yes, I do care about this one.

Yes, I want to spend my life with him.

Yes, I am willing to take the risk.

Yes, I feel something so beautiful in my heart.

….

Something so beautiful

 

Something so beautiful

 

“..Somewhere I’ve never thought I would be.”

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